darriness:

Title: Preparation

Author: darriness

Word Count: 646

Summary: Finn’s got a question

Author’s Note: I was going to go sexy with this one and then it went in a different direction. Maybe they’ll be a sexy one soon! Though I’ve only got 37 days left!

AO3 Link

“So uh…” Finn coughs and hesitates, shifts in the recliner he’s in and coughs again.

Kurt, who is sitting on the couch, quirks an eyebrow at him, “Are you okay?” He asks, “Do you need medical attention?”

Finn rolls his eyes before rolling up his sleeves nervously, “I had a question for you.”

The clattering of plates and laughter filters in from the kitchen as Kurt waits for Finn to ask said question. The Hudson-Hummel household had started the cleaning up name drawing tradition a few Thanksgivings ago and this year it’s Blaine, Burt, and Carole’s turn. Kurt can’t say he minds not having to clean up and he always loves to hear Blaine getting along with his dad and stepmom.

Finn remains quiet longer than socially acceptable and Kurt sighs, “Finn, just spit it out. If I don’t want to answer it, I won’t.”

Finn nods and swallows, “Right. It’s a…sex thing. Something I’ve always been curious about.” Kurt raises his eyebrows but doesn’t say anything, waiting for Finn to continue. His stepbrother is beet red and won’t make eye contact as he mumbles, “When you and Blaine are…you know…how does it…fit?”

Kurt chuckles, “What about Thanksgiving dinner made you think to ask this question?”

Finn shrugs, “Like I said, I’ve always been curious, and I don’t know, I figured if I can’t ask my brother, who can I ask?”

Kurt lifts his eyebrows again and nods. Finn’s logic makes some sense. Eventually Kurt shrugs, it’s not a particularly hard question to answer, “Preparation.” He says.

Finn’s brow furrows, “Preparation?”

Kurt nods, “Yeah. You know, fingers and stuff.” Finn still seems confused, “You don’t have to prepare a woman?” Kurt asks.

Finn pouts his lips and shrugs, “Ummmm no? It just sort of…gives way.”

Kurt closes his eyes against the visual, “Gross.” He says before shaking his head to clear it and opening his eyes again, “And I’m guessing you’ve never done anal with a girl.” Finn shakes his head and Kurt sighs, “Well you need to use fingers to stretch because an asshole doesn’t do that on its own.”

Finn seems to contemplate this before nodding, “Huh. Okay. So it fits because of preparation…H!” Finn shrieks the ‘H’ and jumps like a spooked baby deer as the kitchen door opens and Burt, Blaine, and Carole make their way through.

All five adults freeze, everyone but Finn with expressions of shock and confusion. Finn looks like a deer caught in the headlights.

“Kurt and I were just talking about Preparation H.” Finn says, shifting awkwardly.

“We were not!” Kurt exclaims. He’s not sure why Finn felt the need to disguise what most would assume would be the innocuous use of the word ‘preparation’ with talk of haemorrhoid cream but Kurt’s not going to let the others assume that’s what they were talking about.

The three confused adults in the doorway look back and forth between Kurt and Finn before seeming to collectively agree to move on with the evening and forget the whole thing. Sometimes it’s safer to do that.

Later that night, when Kurt and Blaine are making out in Kurt’s childhood bedroom, the house quiet around them, Blaine brings Kurt’s hands to his ass in invitation, “Preparation H me.” He whispers.

Kurt lets out a shocked laugh and pulls back to look at Blaine in the almost darkness as his husband smirks back at him, “How did you know what we were talking about?”

“The walls in this house aren’t soundproof. All three of us heard the entire conversation.” Blaine explains.

Kurt laughs, “I am totally using this to embarrass the crap out of Finn tomorrow.”

Blaine laughs as well, “By all means, but for now…”

Kurt nods and moves back in, massaging Blaine’s ass in his palms, “Allow me to Preparation H you, my love.”